Saturday, 13 July 2013

PROGRAMMING : What it should be rather than what it is, for beginners especially

 If this is you, I don't blame you.

The factors governing strength training in reality and on the internet seem to get more and more dissimilar by the minute every day. It is not too uncommon to find exact opposite opinions from two equally famous(?) gurus on how to get SUPER STRONG! Yet they both have successful examples under their belt to show(if you can actually see them ,i.e.). Therefore as a beginner, foggy confusion and parkour like jumps from one program to the other becomes unavoidable. And nothing can be more damaging to strength gains than monkeying from one routine to the other every fortnight.

Thinking about a lot of programs will only turn you into a faggot.

To be on a path towards surefire strength (whether “inhuman” or “ungodly”. I don’t know!) Following a program is necessary. So onto the question, “What is the correct Program?” Frankly, there is no ONE correct program. Definitely not for everyone. And thinking about programming led me to the fact that all my years following a fixed program, from Wendler to Russian, actually got me less results than when I trained on a dynamic program based on a few tried and tested principles (which I will elucidate later on) of strength training. 
This is Wendler and he has a lot of variety incorporated in his own training programs

If you are actually surprised by what I just said then please dial your neighbor Mr. Common Sense and seat him beside you and think. Did all the great lifters that you worship stick with the same routine they espoused at various times year after year without change? Also did they actually NOT lift some 10kilos more even when they felt like just because the number on the routine sheet for that day told them not to and possibly fail later on with a much heavier weight? Of course not!
All of the HE MEN above have thrived on VARIETY

You are an unique individual. Unique in every aspect, from mentality to bio mechanics. Then why on earth do you want to follow a generalized program? Build your own based on the following set of concepts:

·         Nothing beats  lifting free weights, i.e. barbell and dumbbell, EVER.

·         Calisthenics should be included religiously.

·         Establish a 1RM on every big compound lifts to start with.

·         What, did you actually ask what are the big compound lifts??? If you did you should be ashamed to death. Go google!

·         Always train heavy. Yes, always. Train within the 75% to 80 % range of your 1RM always.

·         Go for as many sessions as you can in a week, heavy. Remember overtraining is not as real as it is made out to be. Just eat and sleep as much as you need.

·         Do a Squat (or deadlift), a Push or a Pull as your core lifts for the day with rep ranges from 15 to 25 over as many sets as you need. Don’t be rigid. About sets.

·         On succeeding days of heavy training, go for serious bodyweight training, just be careful that you don’t tire your muscles for the next day’s lifts.

·         Rest on whichever day you feel like, listen to your body (it is far more intelligent than you are)!

·         Get HELL strong!!!

Friday, 5 July 2013

For the corporate dicks : Who shoot but do not fire

If this is the most Exhilarating Kama-Sutra pose in your sex life then you must be a Corporate Dick..

Imagine the plight of the Wild West Hero with a shiny gun and equally empty barrel and you can identify the modern corporate dickhead and the growth stunted salesman. Running after targets or the projects is their final orgasmic frontier. The girlfriends or the wives(or the GFs and wives of other people for that matter) wait in vain for the guns to fire.

A totally hateable body like this one ,

but a macho self image like this, 

along with a job of 10 hrs a day will only result in your girl wet dreaming about this,

with YOU on the left. If you think this is embarrassing then you are wrong. THIS IS SO HUMILIATING THAT YOUR BALLS ARE SHAMED TO BE PART OF YOU!!! THEY ARE SHRINKING AT THIS VERY MOMENT. Have a look.

Does it remind you of something?

So if you have decided to load your gun while in your trip to the bathroom (Still No Fire??) then read on.

Lets visit the excuses and their solutions put forward by the hopeless creatures claiming themselves as men :
1. "There's no time"

                 Ohh!!! really?? You seriously said that? Then how come you have no new porn to see anymore? How did you exhaust all those unending resources. And no time you say? You give me 15 mins a day and I give you this..

Okay , may be that would be too much for your girl to handle , but at least you will have something that your girl can handle(pun intended). The 15 mins a day routine :

Thorough warm up is a must everyday.
Now Begin
  • 2 sets of 25 body weight squats(Ass to Grass style)
  • 2 sets of 15  push ups
  • 2 sets of 5 pull ups
Continue the same for one straight month. And then this
  • 2 sets of 25 body weight squats followed by 2 sets of 10 jump squats
  • 2 sets of 15 push ups followed by 2 sets of 5 explosive push ups
  • 4 sets of 5 pull ups
None of these will rob you off more than 15 to 20 mins a day and moreover you may perform these for 3 days per week also. In that case continue the first block for two months before moving onto the second.
After you have finished the second block for two more months you may choose to join a gym or better still contact me for really transforming yourself.

The SQUAT. This works a 100 times better than viagra. Trust Me!!!

The PUSH UP. For a steely upper body.

The PULL UP. For a barn-door back and Vascular arms.

2. "No Equipment"
                If you are still putting this reason forward for being pathetic even after going through the solution just mentioned above then you are the biggest fuckhead in your office. You don't need any equipment. Just the floor and yourself and a place to hang.

You can add some running or swimming (totally optional) to the above regimen if you must. But seriously the above mentioned three movements along with their multiple varieties are way more than enough to keep you busy for a lifetime. The various other movement patterns will be discussed in future blogs along with their individual pros and cons.

Till then crank up those reps and watch your girl go crazy for your sweat..

Be an Xtreme Performer..